5 Reasons You Can’t Find That One

Photo credit: theyoungblacklove.com

We’ve all been there. Discouraged and heartbroken over a relationship or situation that didn’t work out. Actually, that’s a huge understatement. The words “complete disaster” would be more appropriate. You beat yourself up for not seeing it coming even though the signs were always there. If you’re like me, this might not even be the first time it’s happened. Hindsight is always 20/20 of course, so from my experience and others close to me, I’ve learned that there can be so many ways a relationship can go left. Most of it, however, comes from the reality that the person with whom you’ve been wasting your time and energy, just isn’t your Mr. or Mrs. Right. This is someone who was meant to be a lesson, but we don’t always learn the first time. Here are 5 things that could be holding you back from finding the right one:

1. You settle.

Your significant other probably isn’t quite what you had in mind for yourself, but they’re OK…you guess. They may have their good qualities and maybe SOME potential, but are seriously lacking in areas that really matter. You can’t exactly see a future with that person. Your girl might not be faithful, but at least she’s bad, right? Or your man might have no goals for the future, but he does have money though. People like to ignore the things that are necessary in a healthy relationship like support, respect, and integrity, for the shallower things like lust and money. Those things don’t last, and when they’re gone, so is the relationship.

2. You have a type

Attracting and being attracted to a certain type isn’t necessarily a bad thing; however, you can’t keep dating the “player type” hoping you can change them and get upset when you keep getting played. Learn from your past experiences so you don’t keep making the same mistakes. (It’s OK. Like I’ve said, we’ve all been there.) Sometimes, we have to self-evaluate to figure out why we are drawn to them and just stay away from those that possess the same qualities. Not until then will we be able to have an open mind about all the better fish in the sea. (Hint: Stop friend-zoning your potential Mr. or Mrs. Right)

3. You’re looking.

I don’t know how many Instagram posts I’ve seen of people talking about “If I had a girl/man, I’d do this, this, AND that for them” or even worse, the ones talking about how badly they want sex along with some graphic meme (Eww). Not only is it corny, but it’s an obvious cry for attention. Don’t look for love, because you are most likely looking in the wrong places and will soon be back at square one. If you’re single, enjoy it and be comfortably happy with yourself. If you aren’t content with being alone, then no one else can make you happy. Focus on you and your goals and when the time is right, you will find your Mr. or Mrs. Right when you both are ready.

4. You’re Captain Save ‘Em

So, you’re strong, independent, and have a lot going for yourself. Your significant other may not be quite on your level, but you believe they have potential. The problem is they never seem to reach that potential. You, being the generous person you are, give and give and they take and take. Eventually, they get comfortable and you start feeling used. Pure COMEDY occurs when you finally say the word “NO”. They’ll suddenly get amnesia and forget how many times you’ve said yes, even when you didn’t really want to. Bottom line is this: Saving people will not make them love you more and if you allow yourself to be used, you will end up with nothing to give them or yourself. You most definitely won’t have anything left for the one you’re meant to be with.

5. It’s not them, it’s you.

It’s self-evaluation time. There is a possibility that YOU could be the Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. Do you tend to be shallow or selfish? Have you ever taken advantage of your significant other? These are the signs that you could be the reason why you can’t find the one. Before you jump into another relationship and potentially hurt someone else, make sure you have yourself together and you’re ready for it. Don’t lead people on and try to think about others’ feeling before you act.

Don’t worry about the people around you in happy relationships. When the time is right, the person who’s meant for you will come your way. Just make sure that when they get there you appreciate them, because there are lots of people out here still waiting for that special feeling.