Movies That Suck

Movies That Blog #5: Dracula 3000


dracula-3000

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In the year 3000!!!!!!!!!!…….Coolio is still alive, but we haven’t solved that Vampire issue just yet? For some reason if you put a bunch of people in space movies, you just cannot seem to fight the urge to put an alien, or a serial killer or even a leprechaun in the mix. Now we deal with the anemic avengers. Sad part about this is that K.O. Suggested I review this movie, But I can’t understand what I ever did to him that was this terrible.

 

Budget:  $5.00 and a case of Swwwwweeeeett Mexican Black Tar Heroin

Payout: The extra jobs it made from people who usually develop movies to film anyway after the ones that developed this one off themselves.

3000 Things wrong with this movie [Narrowed down to about 6-7 ]

– Jason’s not to blame, he was defrosted in 2455

-“Lifeforce” did it…..better?

-“187 & Humvee” are two names that made the final cut of names

-Space Station “Demeter” explodes killing everyone at the end rather the beginning

-Cargo Specialist = Space UPS employee

-Tries to fight the urge to say “Deebo” the entire movie and he outlives Coolio, Da Fuq?!

-The future can’t deal with shit people dealt with fine int the mid 90’s

 

Silver lining

-Listening to “Fantastic Voyage” made me remember Coolio’s a cool guy

-No Valid Rappers were harmed during the making of this movie

-Space Vampires don’t do too well in Space

 

 

1-10

1-Dracula 1000

10– Dick Breath

 

Dracula 3000= 9/10

 

Alternatives

-Alien 2

-Doom…..yeah, the one with The Rock

-Demerol

 

Judgement:

“Permanent Un-fixable Scratch on all remaining coppies of this DVD, and the original used for viewing during Death row Executions”

 

……Go away, i needs to rethink my life choices

 

 

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